下一步的路

过去的一年半吧，
我总习惯向他奔去。

不管是我伤心，开心，
想要放松，想要走街，
想要尝试新的餐厅，
想要逃离在科克的现实，
我都会订车票，
就去了。

有时候，
他说他想我了，
想要我过去，
我也就去了。

有时候，
会觉得，
我好像比较需要他，
多过他需要我。

累了想要休息，
因此决定不再像以前盲目的奔去。
不是想要玩拉锯战，
而是想要看看，
在我停留在原地时，
那个人愿不愿意回头，
带着思念向我奔来。

郁闷

有时候吧

我觉得我做人很失败
在我很郁闷
很想要找人陪的时候
想找人说说话的时候
还真找不到人

家人不回复短讯
男朋友太忙
不想要麻烦朋友

结果，得自己呆着。

人生来就是孤独的啊！

I wish to go home!

Hello! I'm back to Cork, Ireland to start another semester of my 3rd year dental life.

Life is pretty hard here, at least, for me. Thus, i do not really like coming back to ireland.

If you have been reading my previous posts, you will know that i face several difficulties here in Cork. No friends, no family, and a boring life haha. After 3 months of trying to get used to it, i hope i am 100% immune to it, but sometimes, when loneliness struck, my heart still aches.

I always ask myself, how long will i need to lead a life that i am not happy with? The answer is obvious, it is 2.5 years. I always hope that someone could walk through this hardship with me, but unfortunately, i think i might need to face it alone. Maybe, after this 2.5 years, I won't be the same me anymore.

How i wish, i could be at home. Family is always my main support :)

thinking out loud

Sometimes, i think i am weird.

I am weird in the sense that after i have done something, i will tend to look back, and check if what i have done is appropriate to others, and of course to myself. Human beings are selfish. We tend to take care of our own interests at the first place. However, if you think back and see what people have done for you, will you actually start questioning yourself :" Have i done anything for that person who cared for me so much?" Having someone that cares for you is really a bliss, and yet sometimes we tend to neglect or take them for granted. Yes, we might be busy. But don't forget, everyone is busy. Everyone has their own lives to take care of, and yet when you need them, they are there. Why is this so?

 I guess the only answer to it is priority :)

People always say that i only write in the blog whenever i am moody. Well, that is absolutely true. Sometimes when you confide too much to other people, they might feel annoyed that you always complain. I guess there's a limit to everyone's tolerance towards negative feelings. Haha. So....the only 'person' that will never run away from me is.....a non-organism! so...yeah. this is the place where i throw all the shitty feelings to! Thank you for bearing with me blog. i will never close down my blog, simply because, you have been there with me whenever i needed you, for the past 6 years. Thank you, my imaginary friend. ;)

Just writing...

So...3rd year has started. More clinical and practical stuff are included in our syllabus, and i am more than happy to accept it. At least, i feel a little bit more like a dental student. The academic part of the year...up until now...it is all fine :)

So i have a new housemate in my current house. Irish. Have a really strong accent that i tried to understand before, but now i gave up. This is not because i am try to be mean to her or anything...it is just tiring trying to understand every single word that she is trying to say. In addition...she is still that kind of kid...living in her teenage world...trying to talk about cool things...which i don't find cool. So what's the point. Save energy, for better purposes. 

The 3 housemates of mine, they clique really well together. They can go on Tinder talking about hot guys for hours till like 2am in the morning and still continue to do so for the next few days. They smoke shisha together, they talk stuff that i don't understand ( sometimes)....and i felt like i am not their housemate at all. Well, i have to agree that i felt lonely sometimes, as whenever they saw or heard of exciting gossips or just felt like talking nonsense, they will just walk past my room without having the intention of sharing anything with me. Yeah, it was quite saddening sometimes, knowing that you couldn't really fit well into the environment. 

I miss my college life, the togetherness with your housemates, the pillow talk, the dinner gatherings and the birthday celebrations. Those are awesome memories. I know it is hard to get back to those old days as we are all living in a different environments...and maybe we will have less common topics to talk about. Often, i ask myself, is it my problem or it is just because i couldn't find a nice friend that can actually talk with me in Cork. 

Sometimes, i wanted to tell someone about this...but i realised that i have talked about it before and i guess no one could be bothered anyway. So that's why i keep a blog. I'm pretty sure this blog can withstand my thinking and emotions way better than anyone else haha. 3 more years with some nonsense people....and i shall leave ireland. 

My birthday is this Friday. To be honest, i really couldn't be bothered having a celebration with those 3....as they just made me felt like they are not my proper friends. What i hope is, even though is just 1 friend, 1 sincere friend that actually accompany me during my birthday, have shopping spree and some decent dinner together. well...i know it won't happen....but hopefully i will get myself some gifts and cakes that i like! :)

I need to get myself a jacket/ overcoat, a pair of nice boots, an earphone ( my earphone is in a dismal state)..and a nice blackforest cake! I am craving for some blackforest cake now! Gotta search it out in town! That's all for now! ktxbai! :D

那是我内心的恶魔。

不知从何时起，我恐惧那个感受。

我知道我应该坚强，应该独立，应该想办法解决。

但，有时候，我会不够坚定，不够坚强，不够勇敢。

我知道，没人帮得了我。

不敢说，因为会被嫌弃。

我很希望有个人会牵着我的手，告诉我，无论如何，他都会在。

不嫌弃，不批评，不放弃。

可是，有多少人会接受你的好，而同时包容你的不好?

以上所说纯属情绪上的发泄。

我会试着，会努力改变这一切。

我需要给自己更多勇气。

It's tiring to please someone, or even a group of people.

You are trying your best to not appear invisible.

But sometimes, people just couldn't be bothered.

My kindness was taken for granted and was not appreciated.

I was a little bit dissapointed.

But now...Who cares!

I will not try to please you anymore.

If you do not want me to walk into your life, then get lost.

Nothing is forever, nothing is definite.

One day, you shall see.

I will grow stronger, and be a better person. 

Updates!

5 months has passed. It feels great to be able to write here after such a long time. Well, one of the reasons i created the blog is to pour out my emotions and my thinking in a space where not many people can see. Only my close friends will know that i have a blog and of course, they will know me better by reading my blog. 

2nd semester in 2nd year dentistry is not funny at all. In another words, it is stressful. 9-5 lectures every weekday and yet you have to study at night. Why? Because we have exams every week. It might be small assessments but still, it accounts to 20-30% of your final marks. So...the only way to embrace these challenges is to study. The past few months have been really tough for me, most of our batchmates just felt like giving up dentistry simply because the workload is too overwhelming. Even I, almost cannot take the stress anymore. At that moment when i needed support the most, my family appeared to be the one that is giving my confidence and encouragement. Thanks to Wai Hong too, for listening to my complaints and be there for me whenever i needed you. Though i didn't say it out, but i really appreciate your presence and your encouragement throughout that period. Well of course, i also get to know the true colours of some friends. Friends that refuse to help you whenever you needed them the most. Thank you too, because you make me a stronger person. You make me believe that i can live better without you.

Exam results were out last week. I am really thankful that i passed 2nd year. It has been such a tough year for all of my batchmates. WE MADE IT YOOO!!! Went to leeds and dublin to visit that lovely boy of mine during holidays....and of course...SUMMER TRIP! Went to Italy and Malta for about 10 days! It was and will always be a great experience travelling around the world! You get to see the world with you own eyes :)  

Clinics have started this week. Basically, it is just a period of 3 weeks where you are supposed to shadow seniors, observe procedures and help out whenever they need you. It is a wonderful feeling to wear medical scrubs and walk like a pro :P   but obviously...still not a pro! in 3 years time..i will be a dentist! hahaha :D 

Last  but not least, i am waiting to go back home!!! Do you know why i love home? Because home is where the heart is. I will always love my home, love my family. They are the best!

Travelling :)

Hello blog. I am sorry for neglecting you for such long period of time. It is my bad. I was just a little bit too busy. Never-ending continuous assessments, annoying winter trip planning and more....sometimes i was just a little too worn out to write something, even though i have loads of thoughts in mind.

Well, thanks to UCC's semesterisation policy i have so many exams in just these 3 months. In another words, you just have to keep revising, studying and be prepared for the test. I am having 9 modules this year. Ohh...someone saves me please XD When i was having summer holiday, i wish i could go back to ireland to at least do something ( i literally did nothing at home). NOW I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO ESCAPE FROM IRELAND. OR MAYBE EUROPE. Hehe...but...my winter trip still revolves around Europe..LOL

Other people might be confused or thinking that i am stupid enough to use the holidays touring around instead of going back Malaysia to enjoy all the food, sunshine and warmth. To be honest, i just do not really like to be tied down to the same thing again. The same routine, the same thinking, the same experience and the same life. Yes, going back Malaysia will definitely ensure you a comfortable holiday, with all your favourite food on the table, being able to drive a car around and hanging out with friends...and being able to wear shorts!!!!! I really love that feeling. However, staying in the same comfortable zone is not what i want. Yes i have not explored Malaysia completely, but knowing that after i graduated a lot of things is going to change....including the routes, highways, restaurants, culture...I should learn more after i graduate from Ireland and work in Malaysia. For the time being, since i am already in Ireland, i should just explore the other side of the world.

Before i leave Malaysia last year, i have not much idea of where is UK on the world map. Yes i am that stupid...or..to be accurate, i just couldn't be bothered. Studying in Ireland makes me learn a lot of new things, making me aware that i need to grow, i need to learn more and i need to be mentally strong in order to survive and fend for myself in the future. Being dependent is never an option because at the end, you just have to depend on yourself most of the time. I learn to plan a trip, the links to book reasonably-priced hostels, to be more organised and adventurous. Of course planning a trip is not easy, but i would like to see different things in this world. I do not want to limit the chance of me learning something. We are young, and that's why this is the best period to learn. Knowing that other friends could not go overseas due to financial problems, I really appreciate my opportunity to be here.

A lot of people might know something about many countries, but being there and seeing those buildings or culture yourself is another different story. I was treated with a wonderful Christmas dinner in Manchester, learn to order food from a menu filled with Czech language, got chased by an old woman in Belgium, learn to walk around the city using just a map, learn how to ask to get discounts and more....These experiences are irreplaceable with endless plates of roti canai or nasi lemak. Even though the journey is slightly tiring, but at least, these experiences spice up my life and i believe, i will smile reminiscing them when i am old in the future.

I heard from many of my friends saying that they will only want to go for holiday after starting to work. Now they just want to go back home, enjoy home and be a kid. There is no right or wrong in this issue, but i personally think that if you want to do something and you are capable of doing it, then do it now. Delaying is a waste of time as who knows what is going to happen in the future. The moment you graduate, you need to start working. Adapting to working life takes some time and you might have to think about a lot more things. You have to give some money to your parents, you need to start buying car and house, you need to think about future and perhaps, you will feel slightly pressured. If you are planning to get married, you will need to work harder to earn more money for a more comfortable future. After getting married, your life will split between work,your own family, your husband, your husband's family and your kids. I can foresee that my life will be so much busier that time, and i am not sure if i have the chance to go for a trip without extra burdens in mind. A relaxing trip....but not a trip where you have to carry and take care of the kids. Trust me, mums going holiday with small children...they literally can enjoy nothing because taking care of the kids takes up so much of their attention. I have seen soooo many of the mums carrying kids' bags...their toys...and they just look like superwoman. Haha...sometimes i wonder...女人一定要经过这个过程吗? 背着大包小包追这孩子满街跑。 看着那一幕，我很庆幸，现在我还年轻。

Thinking about that, I really feel that going on a holiday while you are still a student is the best. You have less worries, more school holidays and more freedom. You have no one to take care of except for yourself and travel mates during the trip. You can go wherever you want, do whatever you want and be happy :)

So, no matter what other people say, i will still be a traveller, at least for the next few years. I want to enjoy my life, to see things i want to see, to go to places that i wanted to go since young and to fulfill my dreams. Being able to see the world with your own eyes is just plain amazing.

CHEERS!

七夕之情

我觉得，在某种程度，爱没有对错，

只有愿意与不愿意。

在这茫茫人海中，能相遇已经不容易，何况相爱。

或许当你正在一一数落这男人的缺点，而忽略你内心的感受，幸福就擦身而过了。

又或许当你将自己当成女王希望另一方一直迁就你时，你就忘了幸福本不该如此复杂。

过去的经验，当作是教训。

爱本来就是又甜又苦，因为须靠两个人的合作才能完成的伟业，你们的未来谁都没法说准，所以爱才让人着迷。

谁能保证一个人不会变？谁能保证你眼前认为的好男人不会对不起你？

爱情就像生活，充满了变数。无论你多么照顾自己的身体，吃得健康睡得好，难道你就会长命百岁吗？

刚看了娱乐新闻，他们正在说着 S.H.E 的 Selina 和她老公的故事。旁人都说他们两个都是比较爱自己的人，意思就是在某种时刻会比较自私，可是为了他们的幸福，他们努力爱惜对方。在这社会中，应该有很多人都是爱自己多一点吧！既然如此，你怎么能奢求另一方爱你多过爱自己呢？

很多人做事情都爱听随别人的意见。然而，再红的人也有喜欢你和讨厌你，更何况一个平反人？很多事情，别人的意见很重要，但有时候还得凭心去做选择。不为别的，只为那幸福是属于你的，不是别人的。

大家要幸福快乐哦！

傻吧！

别太计较吧！

糊里糊涂，有时候是一种福气！

正所谓傻人有傻福！

一生的挚友

她，很好。不是普通的好，而是令人感动的好。是的，我们曾经是室友。那一年，我们遇见了。世事很奇怪，虽然是头一次见面，但却一见如故。我们有很多话聊。。。感觉就像是认识已旧的朋友。我有点难过，在大伙都与许多朋友一齐飞去爱尔兰读书，我与她都是需与不是非常熟识的朋友去到那陌生的国家。虽然都是去同一个国家，但仍然需生活在两个城市。或许正因为这样，我们更能了解彼此的心情吧。在另外一班朋友成群结队地去报名一大堆社团，参加一大堆活动还抱怨我为何在 cork 没他们踊跃。。。设身处地地为别人想想吧！若你像我一样，一起床走出门去上课见到的全部是不认识的人，你还真需要时间自我调整。

谢谢她，在我需要知心朋友说话的时候陪我。她应该不嫌我罗嗦吧！我们就一直谈，谈到有时候我把烦恼都谈忘了。谢谢她，没有忘记我这个朋友。曾经有人说过，有的人做事一直都带着目的，而那目的大多数都偏向利于自己。我就纳闷，你呼吸吃饭读书上厕所参加活动不都是为了提升自己吗? 当然无条件的付出不是没有，只是缺点总爱被放大不是吗？我身边更不缺乏这类朋友。。。有时候当老妈问起其他去爱尔兰读书的朋友没找你吗？我只能说，“放心，他们有事需要帮忙或是要来 Cork 旅行的时候自然会出现。” 所以，感谢你，你是在那么多朋友之中，没忘记我的人。

谢谢你的体谅与包容。在爱尔兰那段时间，我脚受伤了。然而，去各个城市旅行的机票都订好了。怎么办？ 只好硬着头皮去了。说真的，我很怕麻烦别人，更害怕拖累大家的行程。惨了，在 Dublin 的那一晚竟因担心而大哭。哈哈！真的感谢你安慰我，在那三个星期里改变你的步调，陪我慢慢走在人群后面。你知道吗？ 当你察觉我步调开始缓慢而落后，转身找我的那一刹那，我感动得差点没冲上去抱你！

过去在国外读书的那一年，说真的，是我二十年来过得最辛苦的一年。在那陌生的城市听到你熟悉的声音，是很幸福的一件事。至少，还有一件事，是我熟悉的。至少，我知道，我在那个城市，还有以为熟悉且那么真诚的朋友。

或许我不善对你表示感激，但我心中真的非常感谢上苍，让我认识你这个朋友。或许，我们不能在彼此身边支持对方，但希望我们在精神上还是能互相扶持的！

真的非常谢谢你，我真挚的朋友。

选择

生活中的幸福

不是做了最好的选择

而是做出最适合自己的选择

加油吧！我爱的每一个人！ =D

爱

请相信，在这世界，爱仍然存在。

它或许躲在角落，等你需要时出现搭救。

很多人以为爱，早已荡然无存，掩没于名利和私心的海浪。

如果你也感同身受，那就停下脚步吧！

试试保持没有目的性的心情去做任何一件事，你会发现爱无所不在!

一个人的幸福

沉淀    静思    耳清心淡

偷点时间给自己

想

过去的铺陈成就今日的路

别问我是否孤单寂寞

我只问

是否有爱着爱着就永远的    幸运

为你犹豫将来

我不敢轻易说爱情

摸索着幸福的道理

宁缺勿滥是最好的结局

说不定永远很容易

困难的只是谁愿意

全心全意

我，很幸福。一个人的幸福，需要一个人来体会。

我必须承认，一直到昨天，我仍为完全将你放下。

一直到昨天，当你再次证实了你对她的爱，我又不禁流下一滴眼泪。

是的，是时候真正离开。

你之前给我的信，对我来说已毫无意义。

前两个月的挽留，在你昨天的坦诚后变得极其虚伪。

你的善变，我不敢恭维。

继续在你举棋不定的世界里生活吧！我可不愿再当一只苯小猪被你玩弄。

从今天开始，新的冒险在等着我！

再见了！

我不堪回首的过去！

对不起，因为我的任性而曾经受过伤害的每一个人。

我会努力，成为一个更好的人。

我相信。

我喜欢靠在别人怀里时所感受到的温度

那种感觉，很温暖

是一种被呵护的安全感  :)

遇见你，是最美的徒劳无功

手上握着的执著

证明梦想还没消失

而我仍会摒着你的勇气一起坚持！