The house is sooooo empty now~~ sooo empty. Weekends are always the same. Irish housemates went back, the westernized Hongkee will wake up late and my roommate will disappear. My roommate disappear? HAHA. Yeah. Every weekend, she will go to this one senior house. Never fail. Once i thought won't she feel she is disturbing other people by keep popping out in their house? Then she goes, no lah. They do their own thing and i do my own thing. They don't have to layan me. Then i was thinking inside my mind~ but you are still a guest? For me, maybe just for me, no matter how close i am to a particular senior..i won't go visit them every week. Perhaps they need some housemate moments? Perhaps someday they are just so lazy to portray great hospitality towards a guest or friend? So yeah.
Well. She was saying that they do their own things when she is in their house. Meaning the main purpose of her going there is to be someone she is familar with, with the same religion, same interest and speak the same language. She wants to feel that she is in a proper house and not just an apartment. She wants to feel warm. I fully understand that. The apartment is cold, you know. There is no warmth in this apartment. To me it is not a house at all. I just stay here because i need a place to sleep and do my own things without interruption from the outer world. Sometimes, i just want to do things myself, cook alone eat alone and enjoy the silent moment. But for her it is different. I understand that she needs someone. She is not the type of girl that can be forever alone and stay in the house for ages. She needs some mentor or senior to guide, take care and talk to her. Being alone for 1 week is enough for her. She need to replenish those 'nutrients' at the end of the week. HAHA. So there she goes~ :)
It is good for her. I do not want to see her feeling sad that no one is by her side. Sometimes she say she feel different from the MARA students because they have their own gang and she is the only one from JPA. MARA students they know each other for a long time but she only know them when she reach ireland. I pity her sometimes. She looks strong, but i know she wants to feel being close to someone. Obviously, i cannot be the one no matter how. Religion is so important in her life that she needs her close friend to be able to share everything with her, from religion to life moments to academic issues. I'm sorry for not being able to do so.
Sometimes i do envy her. She has such a wonderful senior that is always willing to be with her when she need them. Perhaps Chinese people are less integrated....seniors do their own thing~ and seniors remain as seniors, it's hard to become friends with the. They are all so serious. Anyway, i hope that she will feel better going there, at least she does not feel empty inside and she is able to use the strength and 'nutrients' that she gained during the weekend to survive another week. Take care my dear roommie, if you need anything, just give me a call :)
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Stupid Day!!
Yes today is a stupid day. 23rd of October 2013. First i overslept. I'm supposed to wake up at 7am and cook my lunch so that i can stay in the library and reduce the amount of walking for the day. At 9am i am supposed to meet the physiotherapist. I PAID FOR IT AND I MISSED IT. The lady at the reception was telling me that i have to pay extra to make another appointment because i did not turn up today. I was like wth??? I got so mad at her...ya i understand it is my fault but could't you just give me another appointment? I charged me 25 euro for nothing. At that moment i seriously feel disgusted looking at her face. ISHHH.
Another thing. I was asking this Ukraine guy in my class something about the lecture because i don't really get what the lecturer was talking about. Yes the lecturer is always slurring. =.= I don't like to attend his class. HAIZ. And yet at this moment this beautiful lady wearing branded clothes just poked this guy and asked him questions. And this ukraine guy even turned over and taught her for a long time about this and that and that. He totally ignored me. First of all, the guy has a problem. He doesn't know number 1 comes before number 2. Perhaps he was more attracted to pretty ladies (it is a fact and i don't like it). BUT THE GIRL IS THE REAL PROBLEM. This is the second time of her doing this. Interrupting people's conversation and did not even say a word to me. She just expect everyone to follow her pace and she should get what she wants when she need it. YA I ADMIT YOU ARE PRETTIER AND RICHER AND MORE FASHIONABLE BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY YOU ARE OLDER THAN ME! Being rich and wanted to wear branded stuff and does not want to do housework is your freedom, i won't interrupt and comment on everything because YOU ARE JUST A SPOILT OLD WOMAN SPENDING YOUR PARENTS' MONEY AS IF THE MONEY DROPPED DOWN FROM THE SKY. But where is you manners??? You could not even respect people. Ya i might not be as rich and fashionable and knowledgeable and AS OLD AS YOU but i am still a human being studying in the same class as you. ARE YOU BLIND? This is just a basic manner and you could not even bother to learn it. I always thought older people should be wiser and apparently i am wrong. If you do not want to lend me your notes just tell me because i know you are from a country where most people are kia su. Just tell me straight to the face that i want that first class honour and i don't want you to be my competitor so i won't lend you my notes. Finish. This is so much better than giving thousand of shitty excuses. FINE. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE SMARTER THAN GOOGLE. I ENDURE YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MY CLASSMATE. I will still smile to you when i see you but never expect me to respect you anymore.
This is super annoying. My dad just popped out and asked if i am ok. I feel like telling him everything but i have to hold back. I don't want him to know what happened to me here. I hope that he knows i am fine everyday and i am living happily here. He has been worrying for me for 20 years and he should get some rest now. I should not bother him with all these bullshit. Since i am in ireland and i could not take care of you physically, at least i hope i can reduce your burden by never asking money from you and never let you know these things that i am facing. But don't worry my parents, i write it here because i need to remove those stuff from my brain and return my heartbeat to 72 times per minute. This is so much better than throwing plates right? HAHA. Don't worry, i will be clear of what reality is and gradually mould myself to be an independent and be able to survive in this evolving world.
PS : ignore my english. I am just writing whatever that comes out of my mind. I am not writing an essay. so yeah.
The only thing worth to be happy about for today is : i plan to cook and eat maggie for dinner! awesome! :)
Another thing. I was asking this Ukraine guy in my class something about the lecture because i don't really get what the lecturer was talking about. Yes the lecturer is always slurring. =.= I don't like to attend his class. HAIZ. And yet at this moment this beautiful lady wearing branded clothes just poked this guy and asked him questions. And this ukraine guy even turned over and taught her for a long time about this and that and that. He totally ignored me. First of all, the guy has a problem. He doesn't know number 1 comes before number 2. Perhaps he was more attracted to pretty ladies (it is a fact and i don't like it). BUT THE GIRL IS THE REAL PROBLEM. This is the second time of her doing this. Interrupting people's conversation and did not even say a word to me. She just expect everyone to follow her pace and she should get what she wants when she need it. YA I ADMIT YOU ARE PRETTIER AND RICHER AND MORE FASHIONABLE BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY YOU ARE OLDER THAN ME! Being rich and wanted to wear branded stuff and does not want to do housework is your freedom, i won't interrupt and comment on everything because YOU ARE JUST A SPOILT OLD WOMAN SPENDING YOUR PARENTS' MONEY AS IF THE MONEY DROPPED DOWN FROM THE SKY. But where is you manners??? You could not even respect people. Ya i might not be as rich and fashionable and knowledgeable and AS OLD AS YOU but i am still a human being studying in the same class as you. ARE YOU BLIND? This is just a basic manner and you could not even bother to learn it. I always thought older people should be wiser and apparently i am wrong. If you do not want to lend me your notes just tell me because i know you are from a country where most people are kia su. Just tell me straight to the face that i want that first class honour and i don't want you to be my competitor so i won't lend you my notes. Finish. This is so much better than giving thousand of shitty excuses. FINE. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE SMARTER THAN GOOGLE. I ENDURE YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MY CLASSMATE. I will still smile to you when i see you but never expect me to respect you anymore.
This is super annoying. My dad just popped out and asked if i am ok. I feel like telling him everything but i have to hold back. I don't want him to know what happened to me here. I hope that he knows i am fine everyday and i am living happily here. He has been worrying for me for 20 years and he should get some rest now. I should not bother him with all these bullshit. Since i am in ireland and i could not take care of you physically, at least i hope i can reduce your burden by never asking money from you and never let you know these things that i am facing. But don't worry my parents, i write it here because i need to remove those stuff from my brain and return my heartbeat to 72 times per minute. This is so much better than throwing plates right? HAHA. Don't worry, i will be clear of what reality is and gradually mould myself to be an independent and be able to survive in this evolving world.
PS : ignore my english. I am just writing whatever that comes out of my mind. I am not writing an essay. so yeah.
The only thing worth to be happy about for today is : i plan to cook and eat maggie for dinner! awesome! :)
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Feeling of the day
Yeah. It's Saturday again. I suppose to be happy for the weekend~ but somehow i could not find anything to hope for during these 2 days. So...end up moodless. Haha. Thanks to my wonderful tendon, i visited the physiotherapist on Wednesday. Acupuncture needles on my calf and tendon. It is painful. Luckily i did not cry, that will be so embarrassing...with other UCC students outside looking at this weird Asian girls hehe.
Walked out from the student health centre. With my cacated foot, i walked alone down the street to go to my class. Yeap, it did not feel good walking alone with that painful foot when the cold wind keep slapping your face. At that moment, i realised that i am officially alone in this country. Alone as in, when you encounter any problem, you have to solve it yourself and face it yourself. It is not easy to face everything alone as i used to have really good and close friends in INTEC. Astynnia, Cindy and Tulip~They will always be there whenever i need help or company. Maybe it's because our character can somehow complement each other and we have the same interests, we always go out together, eat together, watch videos together and help each other. We should get the 'Best House Award' in akasia. Haha. Now they are all gone, all in Dublin and i'm alone here. Of course i feel sad~ but what can i do?
People always say...make new friends. Yeah of course i like to make new friends! I like it when a big group of friends can go city centre to try out new food and explore new places but in reality it is not easy to achieve. Everyone has their own thing to do, they are busy and so you cannot expect them to be there for you whenever you need them. And...you do have to realise that, when it's time to have fun you will have lots of friends; when you need help everyone just seem to disappear. Mind you~ they don't reply messages.
Eating alone, walking alone, go to gym alone, study alone,settle things alone~ these are all so common here.
So..conclusion is, just do it yourself. All by yourself,if possible.
Sometimes i will just feel like crying whenever i thought of that heartless guy. After a minute i will just slap my face and tell myself that it is not worth it to shed your tears for him. Since he ask you to leave, so what's the point of staying? Betraying this relationship and keep popping out after that to ask what i am doing everyday is just ridiculous. Perhaps he just does not know...how much this hurts me~ Somehow, he makes me feel that true love does not exist...and relationships are just bullshit. Yeah~ i am so fed up with these kind of things. So troublesome and it is a total waste of time. Work hard for yourself and support yourself in the future. One day, i will be a better person and you will regret for ditching me. One day, I will just walk pass you without my heart aching. One day, i will just totally forget about you...Live without him and stay happy.
I'm learning to be strong right now~whenever you feel weak, look at the limitless sky and tell yourself that nothing is impossible. You can do it!!! Cheers! :D
Walked out from the student health centre. With my cacated foot, i walked alone down the street to go to my class. Yeap, it did not feel good walking alone with that painful foot when the cold wind keep slapping your face. At that moment, i realised that i am officially alone in this country. Alone as in, when you encounter any problem, you have to solve it yourself and face it yourself. It is not easy to face everything alone as i used to have really good and close friends in INTEC. Astynnia, Cindy and Tulip~They will always be there whenever i need help or company. Maybe it's because our character can somehow complement each other and we have the same interests, we always go out together, eat together, watch videos together and help each other. We should get the 'Best House Award' in akasia. Haha. Now they are all gone, all in Dublin and i'm alone here. Of course i feel sad~ but what can i do?
People always say...make new friends. Yeah of course i like to make new friends! I like it when a big group of friends can go city centre to try out new food and explore new places but in reality it is not easy to achieve. Everyone has their own thing to do, they are busy and so you cannot expect them to be there for you whenever you need them. And...you do have to realise that, when it's time to have fun you will have lots of friends; when you need help everyone just seem to disappear. Mind you~ they don't reply messages.
Eating alone, walking alone, go to gym alone, study alone,settle things alone~ these are all so common here.
So..conclusion is, just do it yourself. All by yourself,if possible.
Sometimes i will just feel like crying whenever i thought of that heartless guy. After a minute i will just slap my face and tell myself that it is not worth it to shed your tears for him. Since he ask you to leave, so what's the point of staying? Betraying this relationship and keep popping out after that to ask what i am doing everyday is just ridiculous. Perhaps he just does not know...how much this hurts me~ Somehow, he makes me feel that true love does not exist...and relationships are just bullshit. Yeah~ i am so fed up with these kind of things. So troublesome and it is a total waste of time. Work hard for yourself and support yourself in the future. One day, i will be a better person and you will regret for ditching me. One day, I will just walk pass you without my heart aching. One day, i will just totally forget about you...Live without him and stay happy.
I'm learning to be strong right now~whenever you feel weak, look at the limitless sky and tell yourself that nothing is impossible. You can do it!!! Cheers! :D
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